home  message  Main   twitter   Instagram   archive   ©  

personal blog for the broken hearted

I manage to average about 3 hours of sleep each day and I’m crushing hard on this guy who has a weirdo of a girlfriend 

drama

grades

friends

I can’t take no more

AP U.S. History is killing me 

I wish my hair could grow as long as it used to be and I could weigh less than 108 pounds

I honestly think it’s time that I get a boyfriend.

And it’s not that I want to depend my happiness on a man, but I just really need to be adored. Like the Stone Roses’s song I Wanna Be Adored.

I’m not sure what the particular reason for this is, I just feel like it’s time. It’s hard to explain articulately. 

Dependent

I feel so dependent to have friends for every little aspect on my life. Whether it’s going shopping, going out to eat, seeing a movie, going to the park, exercising and basically doing everyday tasks.

I want to be as independent as I so claim to be. To have the sense of security that I can have as much fun by myself, or even more. I want to enjoy the smell of the air as it passes through me, I want to shop for clothes that catch my eye, I want to see a humorous movie and not worry about whether anyone else thought it was shit, I want to do things on my own without worrying who will be there an who won’t.

But one of the perks of having friends is that they come with very useful information about anything, and they can help you in occasions. Don’t expect rides to every hangout. But the cons of me having friends is that I feel so attached and I have a sense of ownership to who I associate myself with. Yes, I know when my friends are being taken from me. I has happened before and I would gladly give the name of that ostentatious girl who keeps trying to play tug-o-war with me and my best friend, but I am above that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t handle having friends sometimes. I’m not good at sharing. I get paranoid and insecure. Yes, I do like to have friends, but I’ve never really knew I’d be so dependent on them for my happiness. Because with friends, when I overthink, I feel that I will eventually, or am, neglected. And it’s a bad sense of paranoia. 

I feel that what’s best is that I learn to enjoy being on my own. That I learn how to get things done by myself. Laugh by myself. Smile. Jump. Dance. Etc.

I need to discover myself and for all that I’m worth. I need to have an intense “me” time.

Let’s see how that goes.

insignificantlyalive-deactivate: omfg. this is the gateway to your mind. wut.

ay judy whaddup

Just ask me out on a date already!

Sometimes

and sometimes I am glad that I have gotten cleansed from certain negative friendships in my life such as those who are pretentious and promiscuous.

although sometimes I wish that person wouldn’t have had the intentions to spitefully take away my other potential friendships in the name of evil.

and sometimes I wish the little things didn’t piss me off although that person isn’t much in my life anymore.

but sometimes, I wish that the person wouldn’t be so two faced with everyone including me. Do not try to get on my good side and try to take more of my friends when you hate them.